Imagine This.......

If you room in your mind to imagine this, then please take a moment to do so:

You find a person that you feel happy, alive and sexy with. You feel like they adore you and you adore them. That person offers you things that you have been trying to create for yourself for quite a long time and you feel so special and appreciated.
Then you find out that that person has tried to take their life. You feel so sad and helpless. You try to contact that person just to be told not to try and contact them again for a couple of weeks. In that couple of weeks time you are suppposed to be together on beautiful white sands in beautiful warm weather, having fun and relaxing and getting to know each other more.

Then you lose your job, your home and any security that you thought you had. The last person that you loved and they said they loved you is apparently a potential risk to you are lead to believe they may even attempt to kill you. You also find out that they have had sex with a person that you trusted and confided in as a special friend.

Then you realise that this is your chance to make a difference in one persons life in particular. You don't sleep for days on end and you are nervous and emotional, but you think that you know what you need to do. You collect every bit of energy that you have and pack up everything that you have left. you call on the help of friends, family and even strangers to do what you think is the right thing to do.

You hug your family (cats and dog) goodbye and you get into your car and drive for 1060km. You really have no idea what you will find at the other end, but you really hope that you can make a difference.

Every day you are told new things that tear you apart and diminish your faith in your dreams and desires. You feel every feeling that you could ever imagine and at the same time you are often so numb from the pain and hurt. Every day is the same and you try your hardest to be strong and do what is right. you think that the other person that you are loving more and more every day is unable to make the right decisions for themselves, and at the same time you know that you cannot make them see the world through your eyes and you know its not right to try to make them do so.

So, every day you ask for guidance. You can't help but want them to love you back and you feel so hurt and rejected when they can't even step outside of their own world for a moment when you so desperately want them to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be ok.

Then you realise that you are an angel and at the same time you are so human that you do have expectations. Then you spend time beating up on yourself for being human and having needs. You also realise that its highly possible that what they are doing or saying to you is in fact the most loving thing that they can do at the time.

You are with at least 3 other people for 2 weeks, everyday. 3 in particular are speaking another language most of the time and you realise how left out you feel. You want to scream, you want to cry, but you know you have to try harder and harder every day to seperate yourself emotionally and move on as you are not helping the person who needs the most help, and in the end the only one that you can truly help..............YOURSELF.


Maybe this is your story also, just told in a different way.